Time
for Michigan to join 18 other states and sanction same-sex marriages. It’s the
right thing to do and here’s why.
The
position against gay marriage and same-sex adoption is essentially fueled by
belief systems rooted in oppressive cultural traditions, habitual lifelong
conditioning, and largely misinterpreted religious one-liners (the word
“abomination” comes to mind).
Currently
in Michigan federal court, a judge is weighing a lawsuit that strikes at the
heart of what it means to be a human being in love. Keep those words in mind: heart and love.
The
facts of the case are this: two lesbian nurses, Jayne Rowse and April DeBoer,
seek to have the court overturn Michigan’s ban on same-sex marriage. Not just
because they love each other and want to marry, but also so they can adopt each
other’s children.
In
Michigan it’s illegal for same-sex couples to adopt children.
An
inconvenient truth: there was a time when I thought “gay sex” when regarding gay people. That was it. Their full human
richness boiled down to a single (ultimately irrelevant) dimension; what they
might or might not be doing in the bedroom. You can’t imagine the shame I had
when I became aware of my ignorant way of thinking. After all, I’ve always
considered myself a good, open and affirming person.
Time
and friendships with gay persons, couples and their families changed my
thinking.
Being
different in our society can be oppressive. So much so that among those who are
different from the majority, it can lead to issues ranging from debilitating
clinical depression to self-destructive behaviors as unthinkable as suicide.
In
the case of those who are intolerant to people who are different, it can foster
everything from throwing up barriers of discriminating prejudice, all the way
to physical acts of violence and bullying.
Regarding
the case, state attorney Kristin Heyses argued that not enough time has passed
for there to be an accurate determination as to whether same-sex marriage works
or produces well-adjusted kids. At one point during the trial, Texas
pro-traditional marriage sociologist Mark Regnerus stated that,
“…intellectually, it’s frustrating to see social science close off a debate by
saying this is settled.”
I
liken Regnerus’ intellectual
sentiment and Heyses’ rhetoric about ‘waiting’ to those made about waiting to give American women the vote,
waiting to release Japanese Americans from war internment camps, waiting to
free African American slaves, and waiting to create child labor laws.
All
that historical waiting was based on intellectual gobbledygook and bogus self-serving
pseudo-science and research.
Parents
in families with difference who are raising thriving kids already know what the
rest of us are only just now beginning to realize: it’s not the family
structure that fosters resilience (that ability to cope with problems and
setbacks in healthy, productive ways) in kids.
Nor is it the letter of the law or misguided belief systems. For that
matter, it’s also not lots of money and material things.
Currently,
I’m in the process of adopting my wife’s wonderful daughter. My being married,
male and straight gives me the right and privilege in Michigan to do this. Our
daughter is thriving too, and not because she lives in a home where her parents
happen to have coupled in the traditional male/female way.
Instead
it’s because of love. Love of a kind that has no gender. Love that is ageless
and has no color or sexual orientation or citizenship or ethnicity. It’s also because
of heart and qualities like patience and tolerance. Combined, it’s as nurturing
and affirming as it is protective and comforting.
Here’s
hoping the court gets out of its head, stops all the waiting, and shows some
heart.
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