Your Experiences Influence How You See Others

Traveler? Homeless? Other?

Sunday morning while driving to church I spotted a man walking along North Avenue in the direction of downtown. He was pulling a black luggage bag with one hand. The other held a mobile phone, which he pressed firmly against his ear. The gait of his stride suggested he was on a mission but he didn't seem to be in that much of a hurry. Since it wasn’t raining or anything, I decided not to offer him a ride as I sometimes do when foul weather is afoot. Besides I was late. However, I still think about that guy and here’s why.

               I could be wrong but my sense was that he was headed to the train station and walking there was his only option. I've been there and done that myself in leaner times. You know the scenario: you need to get somewhere, don’t have a ride and the only option is hoofing it. Or maybe you don’t know that scenario, because you’ve never been broke. Like I was. Like probably he is.

               It can be easy to make value judgments about how people live. Especially when you yourself have been experiencing a certain way of being during your life. Or maybe have forgotten how things used to be back in the day. In the case of the intrepid traveler, based on the quality of his clothes and having a mobile phone, I was fairly confident he wasn’t homeless but had few assets.

Cold blooded suspect or cold civil rights activist?

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               Misunderstandings often arise when people mistakenly assume other folks have the resources to acquire basic necessities. Things like food, shelter and safety. Many people in this community simply don’t have these things because they lack the means. And in a lot of cases their friends and family don’t either.

               Things can be tough when your closest supporters have as little as you. For instance: you have some extra money the same time one of your friends or family are hit with financial crisis. Where do you imagine the spare resources go? Some say you should just take care of yourself or find new friends. Easier said than done.

               People of lesser means have fewer options. But your kids need help so you help them. Parents need assistance, you do the same. This isn’t about springing for a new video game or carton of cigarettes. We’re talking core needs, like a winter coat, paying a water bill or buying baby diapers. Yeah, it leaves you with little or sometimes nothing but what’re you going to do? Nothing?

Respected businessman, convicted felon?

               Working with less means you’re left with less after you help. Yet we blame the poor for being poor when all they’re trying to do is get by in life, just like folks with three-, four- and five-figure bank accounts. People with means have support systems around them who have the same resources or better. Therefore it's easier to support a lifestyle that doesn’t include welfare or food stamps. Need a lawyer? Call cousin Cherie. Need to get into a doctor fast? Uncle Tyson can help.

               Yet even as I think about it, I could be totally wrong about the guy walking on the street, and not about him going to the train station. What if he wasn’t out there walking because he had to? He could just as well have been on foot because he cares about vehicle carbon emissions and the environment. Or he could have been walking for health’s sake. Bottom line? Be careful about assigning value to the way other people move in the world. You might just find that the assessment you’re making is more about yourself than them.

*(photo credit: Nikkolas Smith courtesy of Deviant Art)

Materialism, Commercialism Harms Americans, Erodes Values

Becoming enlightened

I was changing a burned out light bulb the other day and noticed it was made in Mexico. No big deal. When I went to screw in a replacement, I noted that bulb was manufactured in China. Then I began to ponder an age old question but with a twist: how many people does it take to manufacture a light bulb? Zero in America, or close to it, if you’re referring to the kind that fit into typical household lamps.

I did a little research and discovered the last major General Electric factory manufacturing the familiar incandescent light bulbs in the United States closed in 2010. More digging uncovered an energy conservation bill, passed by Congress in 2007, set new standards that will make incandescent bulbs obsolete by 2014. Fun fact: the newer spiral-shaped fluorescent bulbs use about 75 percent less electricity than their incandescent cousins to produce the same amount of light.

Now I'm no economist but what troubles me about light bulbs essentially not being made in the United States is part of a larger problem affecting our country: much of the work that keeps laborers employed is being shipped overseas.

Ring in the new (but at what cost?)

It’s a business’ right to do so, of course. After all, this is America. It’s just that it says a lot about their values. And ours as consumers, since we buy their products. Many believe it’s okay not to fold social implications and moral obligations into business strategies. They say net profits should be the primary, if not sole force driving business.

What does all this have to do with humans being? Everything. That's because understanding some of the less desirable values associated with capitalism – or more precisely corporate capitalism –provides insight into many of the social ills plaguing our nation.

It’s sad but true: a chief priority in America is making money. Yet so many of the social issues affecting us are rooted in the acquisition of wealth and material goods. I've noticed whenever there’s little or no money to be made, there is little value attached to it overall in society.

It's no wonder why many of us care so little about our broken food system, or that as a society we cast aside our aging population like human waste when they no longer are productive in the monetary sense. Or that we treat disabled members of our society like broken items. It’s insane.

Rose-colored glasses blur the truth, doggoneit

Sadly, with great regularity I bear witness to or have eagerly participated in this insidious obsession with material things and money. Consciously and unconsciously. When I’m not paying attention I like to tell myself, especially when I’m wearing my favorite pair of rose-colored glasses, “It’s not for my own personal sake that I want to make as much money as I can. It’s security; the ability to keep my family safe and to take care of those closest to me.” Yet place the opportunity in front of me to earn an extra buck and my thoughts go first to buying a new mountain bike or MSU Spartans swag, before savings.

Yeah, I usually come to my senses and try to park the lion’s share of unexpected money in savings or investments, but that’s beside the point. My first thought was to spend it on things I could easily do without.

The point here is that American corporate enterprise might benefit from taking greater inventory on the influence and impact it has on U.S. citizens, even as it pursues its quarterly profit. It is said with great power comes great responsibility. It doesn’t take a light bulb going off to realize the benefits of such thinking.

'Sorry' Seems to be the Hardest Word

Apologizing cleanses relationships

Why can it sometimes be so hard to apologize? What is it about an apology that makes it so terrible for a person to issue? So often it seems that one person who wrongs another would rather sit stubbornly in denial, self-guilt or some other self-important pot of goo rather than acknowledge they have acted wrongly or moved in some unintentional way that has hurt another human being.

               Then there are the times when a group of people participate in an action that most recognize as a situation in which an apology is in order, yet there is none. Individuals, groups of people, it happens everywhere. It’s also done between nations, often with deadly consequences. One country somehow negatively impacts another and, in the name of saving face, would rather risk war than apologize. So what is it about making an apology that is so terrible that mortal combat is often seen as preferable to a peaceful solution by being humble?

               I’ve seen and heard on more than one occasion scenarios in which person A refuses to apologize to person B only to witness person B’s death. The result? Person A condemns himself to lifelong guilt for having never made peace with the departed. I have also heard of people who take their hardness to their own grave by failing to make amends with someone they slighted in a major way. Wonder what the afterlife is like for them?

               Sadly, many regard apologies as a sign of weakness. This has been reinforced by courtroom lawyers who have taught us not to apologize, warning that's the path to being sued. Politicians reinforce this position by not working together and perpetuating the ‘weakness argument’ and further suggesting that to apologize akin to appeasement.

               The irony in all this is how we insist our children behave. When witnessing kids commit transgressions, what’s the order of business? Make them apologize. Guess it must be a case of, ‘Do as I say, not as I do.’

Ahh... that's better!

               There’s a brighter side. Apologies can have a cleansing effect – one that impacts both sides of a relationship. On one side, there's the person who has committed either a perceived or actual affront to one or more individuals. On the other are those who have been hurt, emotionally, physically or even spiritually. An authentic apology for some reason has the capacity to affect both parties in terms of the negative energy or whatever you want to call it. The result, at least from my experience, is that opportunities present themselves that allow people to begin anew. Good things can happen.

               Issuing apologies are like stepping outside after a heavy rain shower. All is calm come, all is right. Sometimes. Of course, all this assumes the apology is sincere. When it is, the air is clear and so is your conscience. But don't get it twisted; apologies don't let a person off the hook for something they've done. Instead what they seem to do, again when they are real and authentic, is lay the groundwork for repairing and/or building relationships.

               Still, so many of us see apologies as insignificant gestures. After all, actions speak louder than words, and I'm totally in agreement with that. But words can often be a good start, or even a great one. That’s because when properly rendered they can set into motion a conversation or chain of events that can diffuse an accidental situation or create a pathway through which healing can occur around a more intentional one. At the very least they have the potential to infuse a healthy dose of humanity. And that can lead to forgiveness. But that's a whole other conversation.